My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
