Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
