So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
