I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
