OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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