in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
