laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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