Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I want a musical about memes.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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