I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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