I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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