dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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