Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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