She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
