I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize