You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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