Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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