I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize