I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Randomize
