she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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