hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
