peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
