I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Who died my cat blue again?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
