He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
