i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
