Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
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