i permit you to call me
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Randomize
