his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
