i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
