I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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