I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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