I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Tell her she can't have a vagina
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
