I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
