covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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