Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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