There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
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