I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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