is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
