Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I woke up under a house in Key West
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
