Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
