Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize