Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
