how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Randomize
