So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
