O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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