I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
