It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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