I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
