textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
