I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Randomize
