im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
