he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
