So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
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