im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
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