SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
