I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
