I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Randomize
