talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
