Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
