I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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