The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
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