This dress was meant to end up on your floor
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
