I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
