I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
