I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
