I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I deserve this hangover.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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