Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
