Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
oh god the rape fog is back!
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
