smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
