i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
worst night to have a conscience
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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