Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
