I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
