Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
