i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
