If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
