I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
two words...techno handjob
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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