It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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