i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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