Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
