you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
