Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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