So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Drunk is not a location!
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
