I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
