Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Vodka?
Forever.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
