Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
