I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
