Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
