Dude my mom stole all your condoms
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
