i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
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