I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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