Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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