I accidentally had phone sex last night
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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