Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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