When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
